Privateer Press to the Rescue!!!

Living and working in southern TN means that the recent flooding in Nashville and northern TN has hit somewhat close to home. I was told over the weekend that the "newish" mall in Nashville, Opry Mills is underwater and that the aquarium there flooded. While the salt-water fish died because rain and rain water doesn’t actually count as salt water, the fresh-water fish were able to escape and are currently swimming among the mannequins and jeans and tee’s found in stores on the first floor of the mall. Not that the mannequins or clothes are swimming, just that the fish are swimming around them.

Among the fish currently swimming through the mall are several species of piranha, so needless to say, clean up efforts have been slow to begin.

However, help is on the way! Privateer Press, creators of miniature games like Warmachine and Hordes, have announced that they are sending a team of specially trained Cygnar Wildlife experts armed with a newly released weapon to help with the capture and containment of these dangerous, man eating schools of fish.

The weapons they are to be armed with are a combination shrink-ray, plastic-maker, and master-mini-painter. The purpose and function of these weapons is both economical and strange at the same time. Without going into too much detail, a Privateer Press employee, speaking anonymously, claimed the guns (made in the U.S.A) are said to simultaneously shrink and transmutate the piranha while sucking it into the barrel of the gun so the master-mini-painter can trim the flare and paint them for use in Privateer Press’s upcoming release of a new Monsterpocalypse expansion.

Members of PETA arrived last week and have been systematically feeding themselves to the piranha in an effort to make the fish too big to fit into the barrels of the guns and Protectorate and Khadorian protesters have gathered outside the mall and are claiming that the Cygnarians rigged the selection process and threatened head officials at Privateer Press into awarding them the contract.

I’ll be giving updates on the situation as they become available ……